He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
