..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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