WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if only i could text you this smell
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
