I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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