Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
