No stitches, just platelets and will power
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
