Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
