Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
