My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
