Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
