the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
