Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
