i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
