I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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