GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
