i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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