One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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