Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
