i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We need to get me chipped asap
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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