Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
