like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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