absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
