one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
