I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
