shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
