just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Rumble strips road head = magical
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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