dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
