I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
