from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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