if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
