I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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