I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
