Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
