Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.