you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
