i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue