Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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