can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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