And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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