She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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