living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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