I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
