so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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