so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize