I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
