U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Duck Duck Cougar?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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