I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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