I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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