yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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