we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
