Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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