This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize