im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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