Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
