I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize