false alarm. still invincible.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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