nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
