It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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