My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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