3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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