dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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