We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
