Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
