i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
