my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
